Chasing the Lion's tail
by Arithra
Summary: fem!Sirius. Maybe Orion Black should have named his daughter after another star after all. A drabble Collection
1. Chapter 1

**Chasing the lion's tail**

the life of Denebola Lucretia Black

A response to dancingwithrainbows "100 prompts, 100 drabbles, 100 words or less" challenge.

This story has not been beta read and since english is not my first language I apologize for any mistakes I have made in advance.

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1. Beauty

Orion Black is sure that there is no lovelier baby than his little daughter Denebola who inherited all of the Black families positive traits. Startling gray eyes, luscious black hair falling in soft ringlets and an elegance that no one would ever be able to copy. But as she is running down the stairs laughing, her mother screeching somewhere behind her, Orion cannot help but wonder if it is not the light of mischief dancing in her eyes, so unlike her cousins and her brother, that makes her truly beautiful.

2. Love

Denebola loves her parents, her brother, her aunts and uncles and her cousins, of that she is sure, but she hates the way their faces would twist in disgust whenever they talk about muggles and mudbloods. And she cannot help but wonder why whenever she looks out of the window and sees a muggle family walking by, smiling at each other lovingly.

3. Dream

The night before she leaves to Hogwarts Denebola has the most wonderful dream. She dreams of riding a lion and chasing a rat together with a wolf and a stag. It makes no sense to her, but when the lions turns to her and looks deep into her eyes, just before she wakes up, she feels like he challenged her and she knows that she would not back down.

4. Haunted

Denebola's first and final letter home to her mother is crumbled into a ball and thrown across the room while the woman stalks away furiously. It takes Orion Black quite some time to unfold it so he can read it himself. On word stands out between all others. Gryffindor. And for a moment he has to smile, a smile touched with irony. Maybe he should have expected it, he did name her Denebola – the lions tail – after all and names always had a power in themselves.

5. Memory

The moment that Denebola steps onto the Hogwarts express, a plan firmly etched into her young mind, she has no idea that the smiling face of her mother and the fond chuckle of her father will never be more than a memory ever again.

6. Fragile

She only realizes that she is crying, when James takes her arm and he and Remus usher her out of the great hall. Never had she thought that her mother's reaction to her sorting would be this bad. Tears are running down her cheeks and her ears are still ringing from the volume of her mothers' howler. Her cousins do not meet her eyes when she looks to them and Denebola feels like her world is crumbling around her.

7. Celebration

The prospect of going back home to her family frightens her more than anything and it is only due to the steady presence of her friends around her, that she makes it through the leaving feast and into the train. Still, for a moments she hates herself for choosing Gryffindor and destroying her picture perfect world.

8. Secret

She does not know what to think when they figure out that Remus Lupin is a werewolf. Many things here parents believe have proven to be wrong, but she is quite sure that Werewolves are indeed dangerous. She knows Remus though and he is kind and a little shy and not a monster. So when he looks at one of them after another, unsure how they would treat him now that they knew, Denebola smiles.

9. Promise

It is when they visit Remus in the hospital wing on the day after the last full moon that they realize just how terrible his curse really is. He looks smaller than usual and has scratches all over his arms and his face and looks so very tired that they just say a short hello before leaving again. But when they step out of the hospital wing, James looks at her and peter and they nod and promise to find a way to help their friend.

10. Innocence

The friendship between the Marauders, as the call themselves after Professor McGonagall shouts after them after a particularly devastating and wide reaching prank, is a special one. Years later Denebola would look back upon those days and consider them the happiest days of her life.

11. Moonlight

It is valentines day when the line between Denebola and the other girls in her year is clearly drawn. They are sitting in the common room and Hestia is telling Lily how romantic it would be to take a walk under the full moon. Denebola sees Remus pale and she tells them to shut up and don't bother them with their stupid fantasies. It takes a long time for the girls to forgive her, but the relief on Remus face and the smirks from James and peter make her feel justified.

12. Whisper

Their pranks are famous among the students, but while everybody knows that they are the ones playing the pranks they hardly ever get caught. They are the marauders, they are famous, but not a legend, not yet.

13. Echo

Years later Denebola would overhear the twins talking about the marauders as if they were heroes, and she would laugh and raise her glass in a silent toast. It might have started with a whisper but the echo was terrific.

14. Jealousy

The first time Denebola is jealous, truly jealous of her friends is when they start talking about the plans they have made with their families for Christmas. She doesn't say anything and just listens to their laughter, but she clenches her fists so tight that her fingernails dig into her skin and draw blood.

15. Passion

When Denebola first realizes just how much James Potter loves Quidditch she has to laugh. She likes the sport, but he is almost ecstatic and a little mad about it, so she is not sure what to feel when he drags her to the tryouts and they make it on the team. At the end of the year, when she holds the house cup in her hands she thinks that maybe, she can understand his love for the sport, if only a little.

16. Lies

She tells her friends that she does not mind them going home over the holidays, she will find something to pass her time with. But warns them to be prepared for there booby- trapped dormitory when they come back. The tree boys laugh but look slightly worried none the less.

17. Regrets

James had gotten an owl on the morning before they would leave and has been wearing a big smile on his face ever since. Classes are over for today and she sits on Peters bed and watches them trow their stuff into their trunks. She wants to shout at them and tell them to stop immediately and owl their parents, but she won't and she is sure this Christmas will be the worst Christmas ever.

18. Trust

They have just finished packing when James turns around and looks at her questioningly asking her what she is still doing here. She is hurt by his question but flabbergast when he tells her that she has to pack her stuff too, since his parents are expecting her to join them for the holidays. When she asks him why she smiles at her and tells her that he likes his dormitory the way it is, but his eyes tell a different story. James, Denebola decides then, will always be her favorite.

19. Revenge

It is like a game, they prank them and get hexed in return. Once in a while somebody goes a little too far and they would have to go into the hospital wing. So when Snape uses a curse, that is borderline dark and lends James in the hospital wing for more then a week, he himself is to fault for taking James bed for a week himself after James was released.

20. Beach

Denebola had never visited the beach with her family, but she cannot help but wonder what it is like to feel the waves against her legs when walking on the beach. Two days later James and Peter drag her outside, the sun is shining and it is shortly before the start of the holidays. When Denebola steps out of the castle she freezes on the spot and stares at the Black Lake, more importantly the part that looks like a sandy Caribbean beach.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chasing the Lion's Tail Chapter 2**

21. Midnight

They were sitting around a parchment. It was in the middle of the night and they should be in bed, but today was the day they were going to try if their work had paid off. Remus raised his wand and pointed it at the parchment. Somewhere the clock chimed, it was midnight and the marauders map revealed itself for the first time.

22. Confessions

The look on Remus face was one of utter surprise. When he had found them in the boys dorm room, Peter with long front teeth, James with antlers and Denebola with paws he had been horrified so they had to let the cat out of the bag and tell him what they were doing. His voice was hesitant when he asked them why and his three friends exchanged looks, before answering together, telling the flabbergast boy, that he was their friend, werewolf or not and that that alone was reason enough.

23. Crush

Denebola froze in the middle of the hallway causing Remus to run into her, when she realized, that the reason her eyes had been following that asshole for the last month, was not disgust or any other negative emotion. The warm fuzzy feeling in her stomach and the urge to giggle were proof enough. She had a crush. She started walking again and ignored the questioning looks of her friends. Never would she speak of this. Never would Lucius Malfoy find out, that she had a crush on him, hopefully she would get over it soon.

24. Chocolate

It was once a month, that Denebola hated nothing more than being a girl. The first one to figure out what was wrong with her after they brought her to the hospital wing was Remus, the second Peter and James was the last one. He was however the first to realize how to deal with it, he bought her chocolate, did as he was told and let her curl up against him in the common room. Denebola was pretty sure he asked his mother.

25. Alone

Summer holidays where something that children usually looked forward to, but as Denebola stepped of the train and walked towards her mother she saw her friends being welcomed by their families lovingly, while her own mother simply gave her a curt nod. That evening Denebola sat in her room and started counting the days until she would return to Hogwarts.

26. Rain

The day she and Regulus left for Hogwarts it was raining. Her mother was checking if her brother had truly managed to pack everything and her father and brother where talking quietly in his study. Giving the last instructions on how to behave like a proper Black, Denebola mused while she leaned against the window in her room and watched as her breath fogged up the glass.

27. Letters

It is on a Thursday morning during breakfast in the great hall, that she realizes that she wishes that Regulus had never come to Hogwarts. Because as long as he was still at home they could still pretend that nothing was wrong, unlike now when they don't even dare to meet each other gaze in the hallways.

28. Cold

The atmosphere at home is getting worse with every year that passed, at first her parents, especially her mother had simply been displeased, but as time passed and Denebola started to fit in with her classmates, as mudbloods changed to muggleborn in her mind, things changed again. For the worse. It was, as if with each friendly word she exchanged with the people her family disapproved of, she lost them a little more.

29. Dark

The first time the marauders joined Moony on the night of the full moon, Denebola understood just why people feared and hated werewolves so much. It was scrutinizing them with his amber eyes and sniffing the air, saliva dripping from his fangs. It fit the classification in their coursebook to a T. Then it wagged it's tail like a dog and looked at her questioningly. Denebola took a second to understand that it wanted to play. A dark creature indeed.

30. Addiction

The feel of the wet grass, the soft drumming of her paws and running in the forbidden forest in the middle of the night. When Denebola came to Hogwarts she had never expected this, not even in her wildest dreams. But here she was and the exhalation of running with Moony, because the wolf was not Remus and will never be Remus, was utterly enticing and she longed for the next full moon as soon as the night was over.

31. Flower

Denebola loved her best friend dearly, but his behaviors was getting worse every year. At first she had laughed at his adoration for his Lily-flower, but as time passed, she came to hate the nickname he had for the girl. It would take her almost a year to understand why.

32. Snow

The big snowball fight had been a tradition from their first year in Hogwarts, when James and Denebola had decided, hat it would be a good idea to attack their classmates when they where building a snowman. The teams had not changed since then and while it was always funny, Denebola noticed in her fifth year, that her and James fight against the rest of them got harder with every year that passed. They would only loose once and the winter after that Denebola spent in Azkaban.

33. Temptation

Being raised as a daughter of the Black family meant that Denebola was quite knowledgeable of the dark arts whether she wanted or not. She had studied them even before coming to Hogwarts and even if she stopped using them her magic knew them and the temptation of power would stay with her till the moment she died.

34. Autumn

Even with the war outside of Hogwarts the students know very little of the terrors being protected by the ancient walls of the castle. Someday it is like the world outside of Hogwarts does not exist. And then there are days that are utterly perfect, like her birthday that year. They had come back to the school not too long ago, the sun is shining and the leaves of the forbidden forest look absolutely beautiful.

35. Unity

The quidditch final that year wold go into Hogwarts as History, but years later it would not be the game itself that Denebola would remember in perfect clarity, but the prep talk before the game. They were standing in a circle their shoulders bumping against each other and in that moment Nothing could have torn them apart. They were a team.

36. Hurt

It hurt a lot more than she had expected when she realized, that her brother no longer talked to her, not even when he needed help. It hurt more to know, that he was only in his unfortunate position because she had been sorted into another house, causing his housemates to ridicule and torment him. But what hurt the most was the fact, that there was nothing she could do.

37. Truth

Denebola knew that she would not be able to attend her cousins wedding from the moment on, that Andromeda announced her intention to marry a muggleborn wizard. It was the moment she congratulated her cousin, that she knew, that she would never see eye to eye with the ideals of her family ever again.

38. Rogue

She would never admit it to anybody but herself in front of a mirror, behind lots and lots of privacy charms, but every time James messed up his hair even more then it already was, Denebolas heart skipped a beat and she had to fight the blush threatening to rise on her cheeks.

39. Champagne

Maybe it had been a bad idea, but the marauders had decided to celebrate the end of their OWLs not only by making fun of Snape, but also with a bottle of champagne. The only time Denebola would ever touch that drink again was on Lily's and James' wedding.

40. Tulips

Denebolas favorite flower was a tulip, despite the fact, that almost everyone seemed to believe that she preferred roses. Maybe it was because roses compared to tulips were a lot more elaborate and fitting of a girl of her birth. but she would always be more fascinated by spring flowers than roses.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chasing the Lion's tail Chapter 3**

41. Glitter

It was horribly embarrassing for her to admit, but the pink quill with the glitter that the marauders got her as a gag present for her birthday, would always be her favorite. It was a cheap thing, but she was fascinated by the way it glittered when she wrote with it. It was Remus who found out, that she had actually kept it when he read over her summer homework and found traces of the glitter on the parchment.

42. Fearless

Denebola sometimes wondered, why the sorting had decided to put her into Gryffindor, but then she remembered stepping into the great hall for the first time. Standing shoulder to shoulder with James, just as she did now at the end of her fifth year at the king's cross station and she felt just like she felt then. Fearless.

43. Proposal

She was nearly sixteen now and that meant that the courtship offers started arriving. After her sorting into Gryffindor her mother had repeatedly informed her, that no respectable pureblood would want to marry her now. From all the offers that arrived, the one from the Rosier family delighted her mother the most. Denebola tried to catch her fathers eye to tell him that she would not marry Evan, but he stubbornly kept his eyes fixed on the newspaper and Denebola knew, that there was no way out of this. The realization made dread pool in her stomach.

44. Together

Denebola had taken refuge in her room but she was terrified and had no idea what to do now. She was shaken out of her hysterics however, when James voice cut through it. She swirled around to the two-way mirror lying on her desk and hurried over. James laughing face greeted her, but as soon as he laid his eyes on her his good mood vanished and he asked her what was wrong. The answer tumbled from her lips and as he assured her, that they would figure out a way out of this together she calmed down.

45. Heartbroken

James family had taken her in without a second of hesitation. Denebola had visited them before, but visiting someone and living with them were two different things, she had expected them to act differently, but they treated her like she was part of the family. And Denebola felt her heart breaking a little when she thought back to her own family, her mother, her father and her brother, part of her still loved them, no matter how much her believes differed from theirs.

46. Loss

It took her a while to realize that even after all the time she had already been fighting with her family, they had still been just that – a family. So the letter she got from Gringotts, informing her, that her mother had disinherited her, hurt her more then she ever wanted to admit.

47. Holiday

Denebolas summer holidays had never been nice as long as she stayed at home, as soon as she left for the Potters however her holidays had always been filled with fun and laughter. This year was different and even the loving atmosphere of the Potter house could not chase away the gloomy shadows that clung to her mood.

48. Roses

The daughters of the Black family had often been compared to roses. They were all beautiful and they all had thorns. Denebola often wished to be a dandelion so she could be blown away from them by the wind. Now that she had left however every time she gazed into a mirror she did not see a plain dandelion, but a rose, slowly waiting to wilt.

49. Sparkle

The ring fell out of the small pouch and landed on the bed. Denebola stared at it, utterly transfixed by it. She knew this ring, it was the black family ring, worn only by an heir to the black family. Yet here it was laying innocently on the bed covers. Her gaze wandered to the letter that accompanied it and it brought tears into her eyes. She may no longer be her mothers daughter, but she was still her fathers.

50. Magic

Magic is a beautiful thing, magic is a wonderful thing, but above all else magic has the capacity to be a truly terrifying thing. And when Denebola looks down the end of Rosiers wand which is pointed between her eyes as he tells her that she will pay, there is no wonder and no beauty in the magic he uses and Denebola screams.

51. Fire

It feels like her whole body is burning and the only thing she knows next to pain and agony is the fact, that she will never question why this curse is called an unforgivable. He only uses it once, but once is enough to leave her shaken to the core and so shocked that she does not even attempt to fight his next curse by then and by then she is hurting to much to fight him effectively when he continues and does unspeakable and unforgivable things.

52. Thunder

Professor Dumbledore's voice is not loud, but no one can ignore him. James, Snape and Denebola are sitting in his office and his magic is rolling off him in waves, and with each word it spikes. Never had she been so on the edge before, not even when she was a child, alone in the old and dark house that she called home when thunderstorm waged outside.

53. Vanilla

They are sitting in the potions classroom, listening to Professor Slughorn drowning on and on about the different potions he is showing off in the classroom, but Denebola does not listen. Her eyes are fixed on the cauldron closest to her, her eyes fixed on the distinctive mother-of-pears sheen and the smell waffling over to her. Part of her is horrified and another part of her cannot help but wonder why James does smell like vanilla anyway.

54. Broken

It feels like they will never be friends again and it would be her fault. Denebola sighs staring out of the window watching the Whomping Willow and wondering what the others will do on this full moon. Her hands are shaking and she is glad that Lily is ignoring her and keeping Alice from talking to her as well, she hates showing weakness but right now she is not capable of keeping up the facade any longer. But she cannot help but wonder when they will ask her why, because is that not the most important question?

55. Forever

She is very lonely in the time the marauders don't talk to her, so when they sit down with her in the great hall one morning, James on her left, bumping his shoulder against hers, peter on her right giving her a little grin and Remus across from her smiling a sad little smile and giving her a nod, she, much to their horror breaks down in tears. And when they console her and try to make her laugh, she knows, that she will always be thankful to call them her friends.

56. Imagination

It is only after the tension between them fades, that the nightmares start. When Denebola sleeps she is haunted by what could have been and by what could have happened. She never liked Snape and she never will, but seeing him dieing in the most gruesome fashions is not something she seeks and cherishes. And she hates herself for what happened, for being too weak and Rosier for the smirk he gave her when her friends would not talk to her.

57. Silence

It is James who asks her first, he tries to act casual and like it does not matter to him if she answers or not, but she has been his friend for years and knows his mannerism too well to be fooled. So she tells him the entire truth, staring at a spot above his shoulder and once she finishes he stares at her in horror before he wipes tears that she does not remember crying away and holds her tight. He does not say a thing.

58. Fade

It becomes her habit to wake up from her nightmares in the middle of the night and then go down into the common room and stare into the fire. She does not know how James knows she is there, but he joins her every night and sits quietly next to her, his very presence making her feel more secure, that the idea of sleep is no longer too terrifying and the nightmare recede to the back of her mind.

59. Shine

She was banned from Quidditch and the glare Snape is sending her is so much more hateful than usual, but she cannot bring herself to care. She does not like the idea that everyone thinks she put him and Remus in danger, not that Snape does not deserve to feel utter terror and fear, but there is a line she does not want to cross. It is better than everybody knowing the truth at least and in the bigger picture it makes no difference, the sun continues to rise and shine and no one, except herself, was truly hurt.

60. Bright

People tended to underestimate her, Denebola knew. Most people did not associate a face and a personality like hers with a keen mind. It was their loss and even though she hated it if people underestimated her, she had been raised in a household of Slytherins and was well aware of the fact, that she could use it to her advantage if she had to.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chasing the Lion's tail Chapter 4  
**

61. Rumors

They start somewhere in her sixth year and suddenly people are calling her a slut and whisper whenever she walk past them. She acts like it does not affect her, but when she sees how James, Remus and Peter put a group of seventh years into the hospital wing and the rumors finally stop, she is so relieved that she cries.

62. Bells

She had thought that the OWLs had been bad, but in her sixth year she was forced to come to the conclusion, that it was not going to get better as long as she was a student. There was so much to do and she was rushing from one lesson to the next.

63. Red

Denebola was a Gryffindor, but a part of her would always hate the color red. Not the Gryffindor scarlet, but the red James kept going on and on about. Lily was pretty, there was no denying it. But she really wanted James to talk about silky black hair instead of fiery red.

64. Doubt

Her eyes were fixed on the headline of the newspaper, proclaiming the existence of a dark lord in England. The signs had been there for a long time, especially when one grew up in the Black family, but the ministry had continued to deny his existence. It seemed like it was over now. Cold fear griped Denebolas heart as her eyes flickered over the people she cared about. Remus, Peter, James... Regulus. And she could not help but wonder if all of them were going to be long enough to see peaceful times again.

65. Always

Denebola had kept her distance from her brother since the two of them had come to Hogwarts, she had tried to talk to him at first, but he had ignored her attempts and stuck with his housemates. So she was surprised when he came up to her in the corridors one day to talk to her. It was a strange conversation, that ended with Denebola assuring Regulus, that despite everything she would always be his older sister.

66. Perfect

Her first kiss was a Ravenclaw from the year above her. He was a good kisser and he did keep his hands away from places that were too inappropriate. When he kissed her Denebola closed her eyes and tried to chase away the image of a boy a little taller than the Ravenclaw with messy hair and crooked glasses and the feeling that his presence would have made the kiss perfect.

67. Butterfly

Denebola was not sure why people talked about having butterflies in their stomach, she never felt like that. Maybe it was because her feelings were so much more intense and butterflies were not enough to describe what she felt. But a voice in the back of her mind, soundings suspiciously like her cousin Bellatrix told her, that she did not deserve a butterfly love. Why would they go near her when she had watched Bella rip of their wings when she was little?

68. Kiss

The first time Denebola kissed James was when the two of them where alone in the common room doing the homework that was due the next day. James was not concentrating properly and when she asked him what was bothering him, he confessed to her, that he feared being a bad kisser. She offered to check, not expecting him to actually take her up on the offer, but he did and she came to the conclusion that while James was not the best kisser, he certainly was above average. It was a kiss Denebola would always cherish.

69. Subtle

The change in Lily's and James' relationship was nearly unnoticeable, but Denebola could see the little gestures that had changed from the previous years. She saw who Lily smiled whenever she saw James or how James smirk got just a bit more dashing whenever Lily stepped into a room. And not even two weeks after the term had begun Denebola knew that this was the years James would finally win over the girl of his dreams and it would never be her.

70. Nightmare

In her last years in Hogwarts Denebola was plagued by more and more frightening nightmares the closer they got to the graduation day. It was during this days, that she became Lily's friend. Because Lily had taken the fact that she was now dating James as an incentive to try and get along with his other friends too. And while Lily would never meet up to James, she was skilled at chasing away nightmares as well.

71. Mistletoe

The look on James face is hilarious Denebola realizes when she leans down to press her lips against the ones of Lily Evans. She did not really plan on this, but it was James fault for pushing her under the enchanted mistletoe without looking who else is standing under it. Lily is a good kisser she realizes, not as good as James, but she can see the appeal.

72. Locket

When they step out of the Hogwarts express Denebola tightly clutches the necklace her friend had given her on their first Christmas together and takes a deep breath before stepping onto the platform where James is leaning against the train waiting for her and laughing at her surprised face before he pulls her along to meet up with the others.

73. Mercy

She does not know what to feel when she recognizes the wand she had just taken from one of the deatheaters as her brothers. She feels like a part inside of her is breaking and has to bite her lip to keep the tears from falling but she does not attack him, instead she throws the wand back to him and tells him to run. He does. And Denebola is left staring at the spot from which he disappeared till long after the attack is over.

74. Poppy

It is her brothers funeral and she is standing in the last row knowing full well that she is not welcome here and her mother would hex her as soon as she laid her eyes on her. Denebola watches the closed coffin wondering if there was actually enough left of her brother that he needed a coffin and she wonders if the flowers are appropriate for the occasion given her brother's cause of death.

75. Fall

They are sitting in the living room of her flat staring at the clock on the wall. The seconds are ticking by and finally the clock hand jumps onto eleven. The Hogwarts express leaves for Hogwarts and this year they are not going. They are silent for a few moments before James starts to laugh followed shortly by Peter and Remus and Denebola takes a deep breath before she tears a gaze away from the clock.

76. Key

She is surprised when the thing James throws at her is a key and it must have shown on her face because he laughs and tells her that she is always welcome. Denebola does not know what to say so when he throws an arm around her shoulder and drags her through Diagon Alley she simply smiles. Maybe live after Hogwarts won't be completely horrible after all.

77. Hatred

It would be a lot easier to hate Lily if she was not such a nice person, Denebola muses while she and the other Marauders sit in Lily's kitchen and watch as she cooks. Denebola wishes Lily were gone but at the same time she would miss her terribly because Lily is someone who you simply cannot dislike no matter how much you sometimes want to. So when Lily turns around and places a plate in front of her Denebola gives her a smile and digs in.

78. Rainbow

Rainbows are connections that do not really connect to points Denebola thinks and maybe one could see the connection between the day James got his hands on Rosier to the day he choose James son to be more dangerous than Franks. Both were exceptional wizards, but she knew that Frank did not hold the same capacity for ruthlessness that James showed that day. And ruthlessness was something Voldemort appreciated much more than chivalry.

79. Diamond

The other trainees look at her with suspicion and no matter how bitter she feels about it, she has seen her cousins wanted poster and knows that no matter which house she was sorted into in their eyes she will always be a Black first. But when Moody looks at her in appreciation after she finishes the first training run and tells her that she is a diamond in the rough and that she will prove them all wrong, Denebola cannot help but grin back.

80. Drunk

James stag party is already over and Denebola does not feel drunk at all. She could not bring herself to drink as much as the others because she fears she would have started crying and suddenly telling the truth. But when she walks James home and he throws an arm around her shoulder she kisses him. He will never remember, but she does not regret doing so, it was her way of saying goodbye.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chasing the Lion's tail chapter 5**

81. Balloons

The time after Hogwarts is fascinating and at the same time utterly terrifying. Denebola never believed adults when they told her that one day she would like to be back in school, but now the predictability and security of her Hogwarts years is something she dearly misses. The safe bubble she has been in has been burst and the leaks cannot be fixed.

82. Tears

She smiles the whole day, but that does not stop her from crying, Peter laughs and Alice tells her that she is a girl after all, crying tears of joy on her best friends wedding, little do they know, that while she wants for James and Lily to be happy, she certainly is not and her tears have nothing to do with happiness.

83. Sunshine

The laughter of baby Harry is like the first rays of the sun after a storm and she wants him to never stop laughing, as it helps her forget the world outside of the little home James and Lily had built for themselves. She makes silly faces and plays with him for endless hours and is rewarded by the big smile on his face whenever she comes to visit.

84. Whisper

When she steps into Peters flat and finds it empty bereft of any sign of struggle the first thought in her mind is him. And when she apperates herself and her bike straight to Godrics Hollow, the squeezing sensation is over before she even notices it. She storms into the house, wand in hand and when she sees him the first word from her lips is his name.

85. Lonely

Azkaban is a terrible place she thinks and cannot help but shudder at the times she thought about how some people deserved a place like this. Now she knows that no one does, except Wormtail. And her mind flutters between anguish at the loss of James and Lily, the fact that Harry is god knows where and hatred for peter that burns so intense inside of her, that she almost forgets that she is sitting alone in a cold damp cell in Azkaban.

86. Mask

She remembers accusing her cousins and her family of hiding themselves and their emotion behind masks and she remembers how much she hated the fact that she was expected to do so as well. But now that she is in Azkaban and had to listen to her cousins mad rambling she hides in her dog form and wonders whether it would count as a mask as well.

87. Pebbles

Seeing Wormtail sitting on the Weasley boys shoulder in the newspaper is a wake up call and suddenly, as if someone had thrown a little stone down a mountain and started a landslide she can think again and there is one thing Denebola knows for sure. She has to get out of Azkaban. She has to make sure Harry is save.

88. Surprise

Private drive, Denebola is sure, is no place in which any sister who was even the slightest bit like a sister of Lily Potter should be, would live if she had even the slightest choice. Denebola had never met Lily's sister, but she has heard enough from Lily and James to fear what kind of life Harry must have had here. She is so deeply lost in her worries that she is just as startled as Harry when they see each other in the flickering light of the streetlamp.

89. Gravity

Her face is staring at her from every lamppost and every wall and it is then that she realizes the situation she has gotten herself into for the first time.

She is a wanted criminal no matter how innocent she might be and should she be caught there will be nothing but death.

90. Wild

When she realizes that Harry and his friend have followed her she forces herself to calm down, acting like the madwoman everyone thinks she is is not going to help her but when she sees him, looking so very much like James, all plans she might have made before are gone and when Wormtail makes his presence known she cannot think of anything but ripping him into tinny little shreds.

91. Snowdrop

Harry smiles and agrees to come live with her. And the way his whole face lights up with joy makes her feel hope like a single flower after a long and cold winter.

92. Missing

Denebola wonders if she truly survived Azkaban, there are moments she feels like she does no longer know the person she is now. That the Denebola Lucretia Black she once was no longer exists. When she realizes why she laughs to herself and wonders if people would confuse her with Bellatrix now that she is crackling to herself. How can she still be the woman she once was when the most important part of her is already dead.

93. Intense

The door is still creaking the same way it used to back when she was still a student and called this place however reluctantly her home. Then she steps inside and closes the door behind her. For a moment she is so overcome with emotions she cannot classify that she almost feels grateful when her mother's portray starts screeching like a banshee.

94. Flying

When she hears that Harry outflow the Dragon she throws back her head and laughs until there are tears streaming down her face and she cannot help but picture the look of horror on Lily's face and the utter delight James would be trying to hide behind the mask of a concerned parent.

He would be proud, she thinks.

95. Forest

When she was still a student at Hogwarts she had loved the Forbidden forest and the adventures she and the Marauders experienced there, but now that she is sitting in the pumpkin patch next to Hagrid's hut and waiting for someone to fetch her so that she can see Harry, it is just another forest in her eyes and a dangerous one at that and she cannot help but wonder if this is what being an adult means.

96. Betrayal

Even after years in Azkaban one of her worst nightmares will always be of the moment she stepped into Peters flat and found it empty. It is on those days that she feels at her lowest because suggesting Wormtail as the secret keeper was the biggest regret of her live.

97. Apologies

Molly does apologize to her after she accused her of only seeing Harry as a replacement for James and from the look in the older woman's eyes Denebola cannot shake off the feeling that she understood more than just one meaning when Denebola had told her that she loved Harry like the son she never had. But neither of them ever speaks of it.

98. Snapshot

After Azkaban she found an old picture from the time after their graduation from Hogwarts. It was a picture that Remus had made on the day Harry was born. It showed James and her standing next to each other. James was grinning and Denebola was smiling brightly. She remembered that moment, it was right after James had told her, that he and Lily wanted her to be Harry's godmother. Now looking at the picture she was remembered of the family she wanted to have as a child. She hid the photo away and hoped to never have to see it again.

99. Taboo

Remus is her friend again and they are even closer than they were before the incident with Snape in sixth year, but there are some things they never talk about and it is then that Denebola is truly grateful that Remus was the only one who ever knew of her feelings for James. She is not sure if she would manage not to break into thousands of pieces again.

100. Horizon

When Denebola rushes out of Grimmaulds place to go to the department of mysterys her eyes land on the red sky before her and for a moment she feels like she is sixteen again and leaving her home. And she cannot help but wonder which part of her live she is leaving behind this time.


End file.
